Never ending.

Have been so depressed ever since I got back my amath retest results. Something I really worked hard for and got crap back. Sometimes it makes me think of just giving up everything. I can't even pass my amaths, and here I am dreaming of an A1. Stupid much? I don't know what to do anymore.

I may have very well acted like it didn't bother me during school. But you has no idea I had the urge to cry when I saw my marks. But I didn't show it. I didn't tell anyone about it. Because I didn't want anyone to worry for me. Or my friends to worry about me for that matter. I've been so useless this year. So many things make me tear so easily.

I hate Saturdays. If I have not mentioned. Ever since starting this year. It's my most unproductive day. I wake up early for morning Chinese tuition. I go home wait for lunch. Then I wait for Brandon after lunch. And I waste so much time in between. But the time during each period is less than an hour. What productive things you want me to do? I even think reading wastes my time even though I've recently started to like reading this year mainly because to complete reading a book as thick as 5cm cost me at least 7-8h. Any idea how many maths ws I can complete during that time period? But anyway, while waiting for Brandon, I went to sleep for awhile cause I was really tired waking up at 6 just to complete the Chinese tuition homework. Then I went down to chat a little with mummy. Telling her how I dislike Saturdays and how unproductive I am on Saturdays. Then she started advising me saying to chiong all my homework on Friday and tie up the loose ends on Saturday and finally rest on Sunday. Okay. Shall try that. Then suddenly before I could control myself, I revealed to her how I pathetically failed in the amath retest.

Thought she would complained and tried to get me an amath tuitor. But she didn't. Instead she encouraged me with a story of one of her secondary school friend. And she told me to work harder. She probably didn't say/do anything that made me even more depressed cause I also told her that I was depressed. And I not told her. I can hide from my friends, but I figured I shouldn't hide from mummy.

Had tuition with Brandon. He. Was. So. Funny. Today. Maybe the chat with mummy lightened my heart. Oh well, whatever. But somehow while teaching me chem halfway he asked me some bio related questions and said "Ey you're a bio student right? I'm helping you revise your bio okay." HAHAHAHAHA.

Honestly, up till now, when seeing my amath retest paper with my pathetic marks, I still cringe. And it makes me depressed x1000. So I shall not touch it until probably tomorrow. The corrections that is. Shall probably just touch a little of the worksheets that mrs Philip gave us.

I guess the only thing I'm grateful for is my bio results from the recent mastery test. Didn't expect to get an A2. Have been failing every single freaking big and small tests of bio ever since the starting of this year. Thank God.

I guess that's all.

Feel like running away once in awhile.