We're all lost souls, not knowing what's the best for us.

Many of you know that I've taken over my granddad's room after he passed away. Sometimes at night when I can't sleep and I don't imagine scenarios or over-think things that seem can kill me, I'll think of him. I'll imagine how an old, blind man who knew that his dementia was getting worse, lived the remaining lives of his days in his room. Most of the time alone, mainly because the rest of the adults are out working or mummy's busy with the house and of course, brother and I are out at school. Was he lonely? I definitely think he was. I picture the scene, the last few lonely months that he walked, almost bed-ridden, lost almost all his motor skills, the only thing he could do was to lie on the bed. Did he sigh a lot? I think he did. The grandchildren that he cared and loved the most didn't talk to him a lot and they used excuses like school to brush him aside.

I still remembered how this loving grandfather, who could still independently walk around the house with his white cane, would climb up from the second to the third floor to sit at the steps of the stairs to wait for his granddaughter when she was afraid of being alone on the top floor of the house and patiently wait for her to finish bathing. Sometimes, he would sit there till he doze off because she took too long. And times when she was afraid of being the only one on the floor when she wanted to play the computer, she called him up to sit there too to accompany her. So she could play. One hour, two hours, maybe even for three. He sat at those steps. Waited, while she played. And then coming back to think of how when she have grown up a little, she almost forgot the love he showered so richly on her.

Tears just streamed down that night when I thought about all these. Said a little prayer, thanking the Lord how He was so merciful on taking him home at the time when his systems started to break down one by one.



“大海总是包容我们多变不定的心思。虽然无法真正带走什么，却用最委婉的细浪冲淡我们的愁。” ——月老