How shallow.

I was in a state of unstable emotion. But I was calm. I kept telling myself it was alright.

Not until my mum came in my room AND RUBBED IT IN MY FACE THAT I DIDN'T MANAGED TO GO FOR SS4.vi don't see how it's rude to lock myself in my room. Enlighten me, someone. But she didn't like the fact I locked myself in my room. Then she scolded it wasn't right of me to lock my door and be angry just because I DIDN'T GET TO GO TO SS4. Thanks. That moment onward, I broke down again.

When I just recovered from a state of emotional distress, SHE HAD TO DO THIS TO ME RIGHT? I just wanted to have a time being on my own. I closed the door cause I didn't want to see anyone. Even though no one's passing by my room, but I just wanted to be alone in my own space. BUT NO, you didn't allow me to. Then how am I supposed to recharge myself?? Guess the only place I could lock myself in is the toilet. I just need to be alone in my own space to do some thinking and cooling down. Why won't you let me?? With the door open, I'll just have this feeling that people will pop by any moment and I repeat, I'm not ready to face anyone yet.

Then grandmother was curious. Why was I so sad? Dad actually told her I was crying cause I couldn't go SS4. Sorry dad, but how shallow.

No. I didn't cry cause I couldn't go SS4. Yes, true enough, I'd be lying if I said that I'm not sad that I didn't get to go. But it's not a reason sad enough for me to cry over. I was sad because I felt helpless and disappointed over how I had a hard time struggling between God and going for the concert. I mean, it shouldn't have been the case. I should have know clearly that it's a no-no. But it too me so long before I said a no.