Reflections.

I feel sick.

Woke up today to a very weird dream. I was talking to brother lingkang via email but somehow it was voice mail. LOL. Doesn't make sense to me. He was telling me the minutes of the messages over this year's family church camp. HAHAHA weird much yeah?

Went to bM's house today for December Retreat. Was rather disappointed that there were only thirty odd people. Sure 'bout the number and it didn't run over forty. That's kinda sad. But oh well, God doesn't look at the number, but the faith. Yep, we had a nice time of fellowship together. Although the numbers were way smaller, but I'm sure we got the chance to say hi to almost everyone. :)

So well, the time now is 10:40 pm, on the 31st of December 2011. I'm not sure what time I'll finish typing this but right now I can say that it's only less than 2 hours before the clock strikes 12:00 am, 1st January 2012, and I'll really, really officially be a sec four.

I remember last year how I took a few hours to come out with a list of resolutions for the year of 2012 but I have failed to keep them for barely even a month. So this year, I'll not make any resolutions. Instead, I'll just type down the only thing I wanna do and improve for the coming year. In every little small decisions I make next year, which will be tomorrow onwards, I want to keep close with the Lord always. And by that I mean every day, every moment of my life. And it includes doing my Quiet Time every day faithfully and willingly. No doubt it'll be hard, but I need to start learning how to commit every single thing every single day in my life to God and trusting that His way is the best for me.

If what of 2011 I've rememebered that has thought me was that I'm of weak faith and I rarely put my trust in Him. Even if I did, I did not trust Him fully. I acted almost everything of accordance to my own will, on my own strength and on my own logic. That made me backslide a lot. Horrible.

Yep, as usual, I commit every 31st December to reflect on how I've been in this passing year and there's really too much I've done that have shown I've been a really bad testimony. I cannot confidently say that I've done my best for Jesus, neither can I say that I've been a good Christian because I've been a rather two-faced Christian; behaving one way outside church, and behaving another in church. Terrible.

I'm feeling sick, think I've not been eating much. Vegetable.

HAHAH if you actually noticed Horrible, Terrible and Vegetable at the end of my previous paragraphs :B

Alright. Anyway, I guess that's all for my short reflection post.

Bye :)

So what you say? :)

Ouch. Accidentally scratched the sides of my eyes while rubbing it. Now I'm tearing. Painfullll.

Finally moved down. After so long. I.HAVE.MY.OWN.ROOM.NOW! :)

DAYO DAEJUN. DAEBAK! ^^

Cheer up, Be strong!

怎麼在愛裡微加幸福 少一點自由就變負
太多了你說我的關心 是一種束縛

怎麼在愛裡微加幸福 再多的微笑也比不上
一滴眼淚的苦 無心犯的錯誤


Went shopping with Diana today. BOUGHT SUPER GOOD STUFFS ON YEAR END SALES :D Quality not bad too :) I will try 떡볶이 ONE DAY. Trust me. Don't care spicy or not. I WILL STUFF THE WHOLE BOWL DOWN MY THROAT JUST LIKE WHAT I DID WITH EXTRA SPICY 신라면 MUAHAHAHA ;D

LOL. I think I went mad. Tsk tsk HuiEn, tsk.

Okay, I guess it's true. Shopping does clear a girl's mood :) That is if you found something relaly worth buying. I was feeling shitty, depressed and all yeaterday up till this morning and after shopping, it was rather cleared already :) #Happy.

Miss Hannah a lot. But don't know when to go out and visit her. Maybe this Thursday before study date..? #Hannahdeprived. LOLOL.

Kaythanksbye.

Maybe.

Been wanting to post with all those thoughts in my mind but the moment I reach home and go to the blogger page my mind gets blank and I've forgotten what I wanted to talk about. Me and my STM. That's why I didn't post on 25th :(

Oh well, this year's Christmas didn't feel like Christmas at all because usually during Christmas, our whole family would go out and gaigai. But this year's Christmas was on a Sunday. So I spent the whole day in church. Yep, it's a good thing to commit the whole Christmas to the Lord, but still it felt somehow different from previous years.

Then went gaigai at Orchard the next day. Bought a new pair of Levi's jeans :) Went for lunch and then dad dropped the whole family at home while me and brother went to Bugis Street and shop for more clothes. Wow. Ah lian's heaven or something..? HAHAHA. But I hardly bought any clothes there since there weren't any decent clothes there.

Then we went to vivo. Was hopping to buy a pair of Vans but it turned out the designs there wasn't very nice. So... Hai. Left the shop. Bought some more clothes there and went home.
Things are like roller coasters. You feel happy cause stuffs are working out and then something comes by and destroy the whole moment and you feel depressed and all.
Maybe it's just me being afraid.
Maybe it's just me running away from reality.
Maybe it's just me being too sensitive.
Maybe it's just me that I feel I'm being left out.
Maybe it's just me being paranoid and nothing actually's going on.
Maybe it's just me, myself.
Life's hard. And sad.
Bye.

Confused.

This has totally never happened to me before but I'm actually missing camp. Like seriously having the hangovers from camp. WHY ._. Maybe I've gotten older, and by age comes being sentimental. I feel empty because I miss everyone in camp. Maybe. Urghhhh... Regretted not signing up for YF camp. But I doubt I could have done it anyway. Want to go for Chinese camp, but don't think I can. Was invited to ypf camp, but don't think I'm allow. WHY. My parents think I'm overly-committed to the point that I did not spend enough time for my homework or studies.

November:
First to second week: Taken up by school.
Third week: Rest and preparation for taiwan trip
Fourth to fifh week: Taiwan then Malaysia
December:
First to second: Preparation for camp and a little of procrastination
Third week: Tuitions tuitions tuitions and hangover from camp.

But honestly, I doubt I'd do any work even if I didn't go for any more camps. The year seems to pass so slowly when I'm on my own. Somehow, I can't wait till the start of school. I don't know why. But I know it'll be hard. I get drained very easily. Probably ten times faster than what normal people would because I'm lazy to the bones. Too lazy. But I can't wait to take it on despite me knowing that I'll probably feel worse than death. I don't know. I probably want to see if I really can put all my faith in God. Probably using O Levels as one of the first big trial in my life to strengthen my faith. My faith is probably too weak.

Got my new specs yester yesterday if I consider now as 23 December. At first I thought I looked really ugly in it. But the more I look at me with my new specs, I guess it's alright now. Maybe, we all just have to get used to stuffs. Just like when I just took off my braces and looking at photos of me without braces. But the more I look at it, it seems fine to me already. Yes, maybe I just have to get used to stuffs.

Sometimes I can't help but sigh at how I miss everyting used to be. It's not the same anymore. And it doesn't seem that it can revert back. It's saddening.

Maybe the reason why I feel sad is because I don't like changes. Or maybe its some other reasons that I still can't figure out what yet. I just feel sad for no reason. Just one of those days.

Going there tomorrow to get my study table for my new room and I'm ready to move into my new room :)

Maybe it's not a bad thing to have a small batch. At least it's easier to be cosy.

Recharged and ready to go!

HELLO PEOPLE! I'M OFFICALLY BACK FROM ALL MY HOLIDAYS CAMPS WHATNOTS! No more travelling or sleeping outside already! Staying at home permernantly. Just came back from church camp!

Truely every church camp has been really a blessing and it has recharged me to go even further. This camp was really different because the number of unbelievers were really a lot as compared to the previous camps. Through this camp not only have I been strengthen spiritually, I've made a lot of new close friends. I got to know more people. And they were all awesome in their own ways.

All the while I've been calling Ian BFF BFF BFF but I wasn't really close to him. Engaging in a long conversation with him seemed hard. But through this camp I guess we got closer! HAHAHA I guess like we'll sit in the same table at least one meal everyday. Okay, partially cause there were only three sec 3 girls who attended the camp and half way through Joanne had to go home cause she was sick and then it became two sec 3 girls. It wasn't awkward being with him anymore.

Next one would probably be Jon..? Maybe. Got the chance to sit down and talk to him quite often. From aquaintance, I guess we became friends :) Yeah, And Gabriel too. He is so funny. Those two with probably the ugliest handwritings in camp. Got them to write as neatly as possible. -power of HUIEN- :P Yep yep and Joel chan. HAHAHA another guy that I got to see his other side during this camp. Another funny guy.

Then the cheong sisters. Well yeah, they're easy to talk to, but being close to them is another thing. This camp, joelle was in my group, so we had all the time in camp to ka chaiu each other. As for odelia, I guess it was through comm that brought us closer..? When there were many things she had to do, I'll help her; and likewise when I was super busy, she lightened my load a lot.

And there's this person I can never miss out. JARIUS. HE IS SO FUNNY! Whatever he does its just soooooo funny! During water games he tried to pour/splash a bucket full of water on me but I guess he probably overestimated my height..? Instead of hitting me, the water just ended up flowing directly in front of me. HAHAHAH SO FAIL. BUT FUNNY.

And then there were the juniors that I talked to like Isaac, Jeanon and SengLee.

Oh ya! STILL HAVE KAISHUIN AND KENNY! Probably had like a decent conversation with kaishuin only during this camp when I've actually known him two years back. And  then there's kenny who's A DECADE OLDER THAN ME. Spent the last night talking with foonghui, hannah, kaishuin, kenny and william. And I got to see another side of Kenny.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST. Think this camp has brought me A LOT closer to Hannah. Like seriously. Well during normal Sundays we barely have 2-3h to see each other and then its bye bye. But this camp, we saw each other almost EVERY SINGLE HOUR. And practically did almost everything together. In such circumstances, HOW CAN WE NOT BE CLOSER??

Thank God so much that this camp has really showed me the providence of God. During outing day at sentosa, while everyone was making way there, it was drizzling. And as sis Irene gave us exhaltation, the rain got heavier and heavier. And it looked like those kind of rain which would never stop raining. And I was like "Oh dear oh dear, how how?? If we came here just to see the rain and not touch sand then it would be like letting down the rest of the campers" But I then I told myself that I've done all the preperations already and it was my best. I guess I'll just leave the rest to the Lord and have faith. And true enough, after the closing prayer by sis Irene, the rain has stopped. And we could play! How wonderful and merciful the Lord is. Honestly, I really don't understand how can people not believe that a great God like Him exist.

I still feel I don't look like me at all in photos without braces. My mouth looks so... Empty.

Maybe I'll just pop by for awhile.

So hello. Today is the 9th of December and I still have not gotten back my posting mood. I guess it's probably because I've got too much to update that I'm too lazy to patiently type down everything. Great. I've decided to do everything the last minute way. Not gonna write my reflections until after camp. My heart is not settled down yet. I'm not prepared for reality that's gonna come straight in my face next year where days will zoom pass so fast like nobody's business. Hope I'm somewhat settled after camp.

Two more days to camp. But there's like on 44 campers who have signed up! Hurry people, hand up your forms! Can't wait for camp but at the same time, don't want camp to end so fast.

Milton told me he's gonna prepare a surprise birthday for his sis during camp. SUCHA SWEET BROTHER. LOLOL. Somehow, having a brother and not having a brother, to an extent doesn't make much of a difference cause we barely even talk to each other. My brother and I can live so well without talking to one another for a week and you'll still see both of us alive and kicking. The only common topic I can remember that recently got us talking was korean stuffs..? I'm not as into korean stuffs as he is. He is rather crazy to an extent he learnt how to read hangul -.- And worse off he is making me learn them too so like hopefully one day (it's gonna take forever) we can converse in korean. LOLOL. Whenever I learn something, I don't have the patience, commitment and perserverance. I learn the basics/easy parts and when it starts getting difficult, I sorta kinda give up. That happened to me and piano. And I'm feeling it with me and guitar already. Hopefully I don't give up completely on guitar. At least touching it once in a while is fine with me.

I remember I used to be so hardcore with guitar I had a really thick layer of skin on my left hand. Scary much. It really felt like man's hand to a certain extent. ._. But now it's fine because since I realised I've had seemingly man's hands I took a pause on the guitar for 4 months..? So yep, another reason why I'm not touching my guitar very often is cause I don't want man's hands again.

 Today is camp buying date! :) Bought all the stuffs we need for camp and went back to church to print the camp booklets. The guys took taxi and the food back to church while the girls walked from IMM to church with lunch for everyone :) HAHAHAHA FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED. THINK I BURNT 5mins of fats.

Alright. I'm tired but I don't wanna/feel like sleeping. LOL. So 矛盾. But its 12 soon! But I have nothing on tomorrow! But its not good to sleep late, my bodyclock will go haywired! But I can afford to wake up late tomorrow! But... Okay HAHAHAH was being lame by having an inner mini debate with myself.

OH-KAY. Even if I'm not sleeping now, I'll stop typing.

Bye :)

Sudden overwhelmness of sadness

I don't feel sad for myself nor my life, but I feel sad suddenly. Just, this sinking feeling in me. It's not the sinking depression though, but it feels warm inside. Well, I also can't really describe this feeling in me.

Anyway I just realised today that I have actually very little time for catching up on my work and stuffs :/ Like totally. If I minus off camp, all those pre-camp preparations and tuitions, gosh. I'm left with more or less a week or so to myself. And I'm supposed to spend them doing my homework, studying. Great. Since I've came home from Taiwan and Malaysia, I suddenly do not feel the urge to move to my new room. I guess I still miss staying in my cramped old room with my brother and sleeping with my parents :/ Gosh need to grow up lah.

Need go school collect all my books... Weeee. FREE BOOKS. HAHAHA :P

Kthnxbai.