Reflections.

I feel sick.

Woke up today to a very weird dream. I was talking to brother lingkang via email but somehow it was voice mail. LOL. Doesn't make sense to me. He was telling me the minutes of the messages over this year's family church camp. HAHAHA weird much yeah?

Went to bM's house today for December Retreat. Was rather disappointed that there were only thirty odd people. Sure 'bout the number and it didn't run over forty. That's kinda sad. But oh well, God doesn't look at the number, but the faith. Yep, we had a nice time of fellowship together. Although the numbers were way smaller, but I'm sure we got the chance to say hi to almost everyone. :)

So well, the time now is 10:40 pm, on the 31st of December 2011. I'm not sure what time I'll finish typing this but right now I can say that it's only less than 2 hours before the clock strikes 12:00 am, 1st January 2012, and I'll really, really officially be a sec four.

I remember last year how I took a few hours to come out with a list of resolutions for the year of 2012 but I have failed to keep them for barely even a month. So this year, I'll not make any resolutions. Instead, I'll just type down the only thing I wanna do and improve for the coming year. In every little small decisions I make next year, which will be tomorrow onwards, I want to keep close with the Lord always. And by that I mean every day, every moment of my life. And it includes doing my Quiet Time every day faithfully and willingly. No doubt it'll be hard, but I need to start learning how to commit every single thing every single day in my life to God and trusting that His way is the best for me.

If what of 2011 I've rememebered that has thought me was that I'm of weak faith and I rarely put my trust in Him. Even if I did, I did not trust Him fully. I acted almost everything of accordance to my own will, on my own strength and on my own logic. That made me backslide a lot. Horrible.

Yep, as usual, I commit every 31st December to reflect on how I've been in this passing year and there's really too much I've done that have shown I've been a really bad testimony. I cannot confidently say that I've done my best for Jesus, neither can I say that I've been a good Christian because I've been a rather two-faced Christian; behaving one way outside church, and behaving another in church. Terrible.

I'm feeling sick, think I've not been eating much. Vegetable.

HAHAH if you actually noticed Horrible, Terrible and Vegetable at the end of my previous paragraphs :B

Alright. Anyway, I guess that's all for my short reflection post.

Bye :)

So what you say? :)

Ouch. Accidentally scratched the sides of my eyes while rubbing it. Now I'm tearing. Painfullll.

Finally moved down. After so long. I.HAVE.MY.OWN.ROOM.NOW! :)

DAYO DAEJUN. DAEBAK! ^^

Cheer up, Be strong!

怎麼在愛裡微加幸福 少一點自由就變負
太多了你說我的關心 是一種束縛

怎麼在愛裡微加幸福 再多的微笑也比不上
一滴眼淚的苦 無心犯的錯誤


Went shopping with Diana today. BOUGHT SUPER GOOD STUFFS ON YEAR END SALES :D Quality not bad too :) I will try 떡볶이 ONE DAY. Trust me. Don't care spicy or not. I WILL STUFF THE WHOLE BOWL DOWN MY THROAT JUST LIKE WHAT I DID WITH EXTRA SPICY 신라면 MUAHAHAHA ;D

LOL. I think I went mad. Tsk tsk HuiEn, tsk.

Okay, I guess it's true. Shopping does clear a girl's mood :) That is if you found something relaly worth buying. I was feeling shitty, depressed and all yeaterday up till this morning and after shopping, it was rather cleared already :) #Happy.

Miss Hannah a lot. But don't know when to go out and visit her. Maybe this Thursday before study date..? #Hannahdeprived. LOLOL.

Kaythanksbye.

Maybe.

Been wanting to post with all those thoughts in my mind but the moment I reach home and go to the blogger page my mind gets blank and I've forgotten what I wanted to talk about. Me and my STM. That's why I didn't post on 25th :(

Oh well, this year's Christmas didn't feel like Christmas at all because usually during Christmas, our whole family would go out and gaigai. But this year's Christmas was on a Sunday. So I spent the whole day in church. Yep, it's a good thing to commit the whole Christmas to the Lord, but still it felt somehow different from previous years.

Then went gaigai at Orchard the next day. Bought a new pair of Levi's jeans :) Went for lunch and then dad dropped the whole family at home while me and brother went to Bugis Street and shop for more clothes. Wow. Ah lian's heaven or something..? HAHAHA. But I hardly bought any clothes there since there weren't any decent clothes there.

Then we went to vivo. Was hopping to buy a pair of Vans but it turned out the designs there wasn't very nice. So... Hai. Left the shop. Bought some more clothes there and went home.
Things are like roller coasters. You feel happy cause stuffs are working out and then something comes by and destroy the whole moment and you feel depressed and all.
Maybe it's just me being afraid.
Maybe it's just me running away from reality.
Maybe it's just me being too sensitive.
Maybe it's just me that I feel I'm being left out.
Maybe it's just me being paranoid and nothing actually's going on.
Maybe it's just me, myself.
Life's hard. And sad.
Bye.

Confused.

This has totally never happened to me before but I'm actually missing camp. Like seriously having the hangovers from camp. WHY ._. Maybe I've gotten older, and by age comes being sentimental. I feel empty because I miss everyone in camp. Maybe. Urghhhh... Regretted not signing up for YF camp. But I doubt I could have done it anyway. Want to go for Chinese camp, but don't think I can. Was invited to ypf camp, but don't think I'm allow. WHY. My parents think I'm overly-committed to the point that I did not spend enough time for my homework or studies.

November:
First to second week: Taken up by school.
Third week: Rest and preparation for taiwan trip
Fourth to fifh week: Taiwan then Malaysia
December:
First to second: Preparation for camp and a little of procrastination
Third week: Tuitions tuitions tuitions and hangover from camp.

But honestly, I doubt I'd do any work even if I didn't go for any more camps. The year seems to pass so slowly when I'm on my own. Somehow, I can't wait till the start of school. I don't know why. But I know it'll be hard. I get drained very easily. Probably ten times faster than what normal people would because I'm lazy to the bones. Too lazy. But I can't wait to take it on despite me knowing that I'll probably feel worse than death. I don't know. I probably want to see if I really can put all my faith in God. Probably using O Levels as one of the first big trial in my life to strengthen my faith. My faith is probably too weak.

Got my new specs yester yesterday if I consider now as 23 December. At first I thought I looked really ugly in it. But the more I look at me with my new specs, I guess it's alright now. Maybe, we all just have to get used to stuffs. Just like when I just took off my braces and looking at photos of me without braces. But the more I look at it, it seems fine to me already. Yes, maybe I just have to get used to stuffs.

Sometimes I can't help but sigh at how I miss everyting used to be. It's not the same anymore. And it doesn't seem that it can revert back. It's saddening.

Maybe the reason why I feel sad is because I don't like changes. Or maybe its some other reasons that I still can't figure out what yet. I just feel sad for no reason. Just one of those days.

Going there tomorrow to get my study table for my new room and I'm ready to move into my new room :)

Maybe it's not a bad thing to have a small batch. At least it's easier to be cosy.

Recharged and ready to go!

HELLO PEOPLE! I'M OFFICALLY BACK FROM ALL MY HOLIDAYS CAMPS WHATNOTS! No more travelling or sleeping outside already! Staying at home permernantly. Just came back from church camp!

Truely every church camp has been really a blessing and it has recharged me to go even further. This camp was really different because the number of unbelievers were really a lot as compared to the previous camps. Through this camp not only have I been strengthen spiritually, I've made a lot of new close friends. I got to know more people. And they were all awesome in their own ways.

All the while I've been calling Ian BFF BFF BFF but I wasn't really close to him. Engaging in a long conversation with him seemed hard. But through this camp I guess we got closer! HAHAHA I guess like we'll sit in the same table at least one meal everyday. Okay, partially cause there were only three sec 3 girls who attended the camp and half way through Joanne had to go home cause she was sick and then it became two sec 3 girls. It wasn't awkward being with him anymore.

Next one would probably be Jon..? Maybe. Got the chance to sit down and talk to him quite often. From aquaintance, I guess we became friends :) Yeah, And Gabriel too. He is so funny. Those two with probably the ugliest handwritings in camp. Got them to write as neatly as possible. -power of HUIEN- :P Yep yep and Joel chan. HAHAHA another guy that I got to see his other side during this camp. Another funny guy.

Then the cheong sisters. Well yeah, they're easy to talk to, but being close to them is another thing. This camp, joelle was in my group, so we had all the time in camp to ka chaiu each other. As for odelia, I guess it was through comm that brought us closer..? When there were many things she had to do, I'll help her; and likewise when I was super busy, she lightened my load a lot.

And there's this person I can never miss out. JARIUS. HE IS SO FUNNY! Whatever he does its just soooooo funny! During water games he tried to pour/splash a bucket full of water on me but I guess he probably overestimated my height..? Instead of hitting me, the water just ended up flowing directly in front of me. HAHAHAH SO FAIL. BUT FUNNY.

And then there were the juniors that I talked to like Isaac, Jeanon and SengLee.

Oh ya! STILL HAVE KAISHUIN AND KENNY! Probably had like a decent conversation with kaishuin only during this camp when I've actually known him two years back. And  then there's kenny who's A DECADE OLDER THAN ME. Spent the last night talking with foonghui, hannah, kaishuin, kenny and william. And I got to see another side of Kenny.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST. Think this camp has brought me A LOT closer to Hannah. Like seriously. Well during normal Sundays we barely have 2-3h to see each other and then its bye bye. But this camp, we saw each other almost EVERY SINGLE HOUR. And practically did almost everything together. In such circumstances, HOW CAN WE NOT BE CLOSER??

Thank God so much that this camp has really showed me the providence of God. During outing day at sentosa, while everyone was making way there, it was drizzling. And as sis Irene gave us exhaltation, the rain got heavier and heavier. And it looked like those kind of rain which would never stop raining. And I was like "Oh dear oh dear, how how?? If we came here just to see the rain and not touch sand then it would be like letting down the rest of the campers" But I then I told myself that I've done all the preperations already and it was my best. I guess I'll just leave the rest to the Lord and have faith. And true enough, after the closing prayer by sis Irene, the rain has stopped. And we could play! How wonderful and merciful the Lord is. Honestly, I really don't understand how can people not believe that a great God like Him exist.

I still feel I don't look like me at all in photos without braces. My mouth looks so... Empty.

Maybe I'll just pop by for awhile.

So hello. Today is the 9th of December and I still have not gotten back my posting mood. I guess it's probably because I've got too much to update that I'm too lazy to patiently type down everything. Great. I've decided to do everything the last minute way. Not gonna write my reflections until after camp. My heart is not settled down yet. I'm not prepared for reality that's gonna come straight in my face next year where days will zoom pass so fast like nobody's business. Hope I'm somewhat settled after camp.

Two more days to camp. But there's like on 44 campers who have signed up! Hurry people, hand up your forms! Can't wait for camp but at the same time, don't want camp to end so fast.

Milton told me he's gonna prepare a surprise birthday for his sis during camp. SUCHA SWEET BROTHER. LOLOL. Somehow, having a brother and not having a brother, to an extent doesn't make much of a difference cause we barely even talk to each other. My brother and I can live so well without talking to one another for a week and you'll still see both of us alive and kicking. The only common topic I can remember that recently got us talking was korean stuffs..? I'm not as into korean stuffs as he is. He is rather crazy to an extent he learnt how to read hangul -.- And worse off he is making me learn them too so like hopefully one day (it's gonna take forever) we can converse in korean. LOLOL. Whenever I learn something, I don't have the patience, commitment and perserverance. I learn the basics/easy parts and when it starts getting difficult, I sorta kinda give up. That happened to me and piano. And I'm feeling it with me and guitar already. Hopefully I don't give up completely on guitar. At least touching it once in a while is fine with me.

I remember I used to be so hardcore with guitar I had a really thick layer of skin on my left hand. Scary much. It really felt like man's hand to a certain extent. ._. But now it's fine because since I realised I've had seemingly man's hands I took a pause on the guitar for 4 months..? So yep, another reason why I'm not touching my guitar very often is cause I don't want man's hands again.

 Today is camp buying date! :) Bought all the stuffs we need for camp and went back to church to print the camp booklets. The guys took taxi and the food back to church while the girls walked from IMM to church with lunch for everyone :) HAHAHAHA FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED. THINK I BURNT 5mins of fats.

Alright. I'm tired but I don't wanna/feel like sleeping. LOL. So 矛盾. But its 12 soon! But I have nothing on tomorrow! But its not good to sleep late, my bodyclock will go haywired! But I can afford to wake up late tomorrow! But... Okay HAHAHAH was being lame by having an inner mini debate with myself.

OH-KAY. Even if I'm not sleeping now, I'll stop typing.

Bye :)

Sudden overwhelmness of sadness

I don't feel sad for myself nor my life, but I feel sad suddenly. Just, this sinking feeling in me. It's not the sinking depression though, but it feels warm inside. Well, I also can't really describe this feeling in me.

Anyway I just realised today that I have actually very little time for catching up on my work and stuffs :/ Like totally. If I minus off camp, all those pre-camp preparations and tuitions, gosh. I'm left with more or less a week or so to myself. And I'm supposed to spend them doing my homework, studying. Great. Since I've came home from Taiwan and Malaysia, I suddenly do not feel the urge to move to my new room. I guess I still miss staying in my cramped old room with my brother and sleeping with my parents :/ Gosh need to grow up lah.

Need go school collect all my books... Weeee. FREE BOOKS. HAHAHA :P

Kthnxbai.

Once in a lifetime; 11/11/11--11:11:11

Have I changed a lot? Have I changed a little? Or have I not changed at all? It doesn't really matter as long as it's all for the better right? But recently this year, I guess I've not talked so much anymore. And I don't know to classify it under a good or bad. But I have this feeling that one day sooner or later, I'll lose my social skills completely and be a loner. #D:

Oh seriously. I really strongly believe I may die from overprotection someday if my parents still keep up with such beliefs. It's not meant to be a sad day today! D: I feel so cheated. As usual. By. My. MUM.

URGH. DOUBLE URGH.

Alright. I'm much better already. Phew. In a better mood already. -breaths in, breaths out- Even if I don't feel good, I should not feel angry today at the very least. I don't want to spend such a special moment being totally not worthily angry at mum (some more!). Its too unworth my time for such a special timing.

Okay now lets see. Okay, even so, aside anger, I'm still sad D: #SUCHASADLIFEFOREVERANDEVERANDEVER. Ohmygosh. Just watched finish Protect the Boss! Although JiHeon & EunSeul are the lead actors and couple, I practially skipped all their scences and fast forawrded to the second leads --- MooWon & NaYoon! Think their scenes were way much more interesting and touching as compare to the leads. #dramafail. But oh well! It's not that fail cause the second leads saved the day (drama)! #YAY. OH BTW, MooWon in the drama is KIMJAEJOONG ;) No wonder hahaha. Okay, not realy, but his acting skills are good :)

This' my second 11/11/11 11:11:11 and it's gonna be my last. Oh well, still I'm thankful I'm able to live till this date. Who knows, you may not see me tomorrow. Just as much as I wanna complete great things in life (well in my defination of great things, most likely differring from what the others mostly think), life is too unpredictable and we never know what happens next. And that, is life.

Many a time I wonder how good it'd be if I knew what'll happen in the slight near future. No doubt, things will all be so easy and it'd actually seem fun; in the beginning. But then again, there's a reason why we don't know our future. If we really do, then life will become meaningless because everything is so predictable.

And sometimes, I wonder it'll be great to know your lifespan. How long you'll live; At which age will you die; How much time are you left with. And with that, we can carefully plan our life live it to the fullest without regrets. But, but but but but but, again, it doesn't make sense somehow right? Shouldn't we live to the fullest everyday, even so? Another worry would be most of us would probably start working hard at the end of the journey. Like how 99% of the students prepare for their tests. Ain't it?

Honestly, I don't know why I'm blabbering so much crap suddenly. Alright. Back to the reason why I'm sad. LOL. After expecting so much for my post-exam-for-this-year life, I'm left with nothing nice to watch anymore. All the nice dramas are either currently on air, currently being subbed or I've already finished watching it. OR WORSE, HAVE NOT AIRRED. #REALLYSUCHASADLIFEFOREVERANDEVERANDEVER.

1. SKIP BEAT - EXTRAVAGANCE CHALLENGE
2. Office Girls
3. Flower Boy Ramyun Shop
4. Forensic Heroes 3
5. Ring Ring Bells
*Note: It's according to how much I'm expecting for the next/first episode to air.

So that means I gotta wait and wait and wait till all these dramas are being uploaded or subbed and reuploaded D: You know imma impatient person rightttt :( I don't really care about "patience is a virture" when it comes to dramas lahhhh.

11/11/11 11:11:11 am with choir. It wasn't as bad as I expected, still acceptable.

11/11/11 11:11:11 pm. I'll spend it with :).

Right. Happy 11/11/11 11:11:11 fellow Earthlings. Have a great day.

I don't make wishes, because I believe in God.

I don't believe in wishes, because I believe in pursuing them.

But this special moment the whole world has been waiting for, is worth the wait.

Because it's gonna happen only once.

And it's a once inna lifetime thing.

11/11/11 11:11:11

The awesomest dream yet ever!

OHMYGOSHHHHHH HYPERVANTILATING!! HAHAHAHA :D :D :D HAPPY TO THE MAXIMUM ^^

Had this reeeeeeally really really really awesome dream! I was performing at MAMA somehow I don't know why. And I was one of the multi-performers (..?) you would say? Hahaha cause I apparently performed in many performance. Like being back up dancers for many celebs. WHY? I DON'T KNOW. Well, as I've said all the while, my dreams usually don't make sense. But the only reasonable reason that I could draw out as to why was probably that SINGAPORE FAIL. NOT ENOUGH BACK UP DANCERS. HAHAHAHA :P

So then after performing with Lollipop F (I also wanna know why them.) I saw SUPER JUNIOR at backstage waiting to prepare to go on stage. They were number 2 in queue :) So I was at first quite hesistant to go up to them, but then I realised that it'll be the ONLY time I'll ever see them thissssssss close and so that instant, I WENT SO SPAZZY. I was like QUICK QUICK! PAPER! PAPER!! AND I DON'T KNOW WHY DIANA SUDDENLY APPEARRED BESIDE ME. HAHAHAHAHA. So in an instant, I spotted donghae. So I dashed forward and was like "Sign juseyo?" giving out the slip of paper to donghae. I was so nervous and anxious that they'll be called to perform anytime so I was really rushing and forgot all the basic horrifics. Didn't even called his name or oppa him. Basically, just went straight to the question if he could give me an autograph. And then I realised kyuhyun was beside him, so I gave him the other only slip of paper that I had. Thank goodness Henry was right beside kyuhyun. HAHAHAHA! He helped me to translate most of my English into Korean. But I did make effort to speak very very very basic chinese for them to understand firsthand :P I KNOW HAE & KYU UNDERSTAND CONVERSATIONAL CHINESE :D They just can't speak much. Just like my relationship with cantonese LOL.

Then I turned and saw eunhyuk! 2nd biased alongside with kyu! So I hurried back and frantically find another slip of paper. WHO KNOWS, the super kind-hearted eunhyuk took the paper, but was like 要签不签, then I was afraid that they'll be called to perform soon so I was very anxious. HAHAHA THANK GOODNESS AGAIN ZHOU MI WAS NEAR. He was like tanslating all my chinese and some basic english that he could understand into Korean. And siwon near by was like say "eunhyuk ah, bali wa sain!" HAHAHAHAHA! But eunhyuk was still sooooo chou pi don't want sign :( Don't know why D: But finally he gave his signature. Like finallyyyyyy after soooo long. Ohmygosh LOL. Then I was so happy I could die at that instant. And I woke up.

But I realised that oh no! I have not thank zhou mi for helping me translate so much! Then I quickly tried to go back to sleep (anyway my alarm had not ring yet!) and hopefully get back to the dream. True enough, this always work! I was back to the dream and I was at the scene where eunhyuk handed me his autograph. OH YA, forgot to say, people like donghae and kyuhyun's autographs were full of words and they wrote my name and date ^^ But eunhyuk's one was simply his signature and a fullstop. Why so bad sia :( HAHAHA but whatever kay. Still happy.

So then, I thank zhou mi in chinese. Thank you zhou mi for helping me translate all my chinese into korean so that they all can understand. You're really a kind guy!! ^^ HAHAHA and then don't know why they allllll started to talk to me. Ask me why I can speak chinese so fluently. "Singapore is bilingual education, duh :P" Do I know Korean? (ohmygosh I don't know why but I answered in koren) "Well a little bit, because my brother likes SNSD so he learnt korean on the net and forcefully taught me korean to speak with him" Then they were like wowwwwwww and I carried on in korean "But I'm really bad in my korean. I can only really basic hangul and not understand it at all usually."

Then I don't know why I happened to turn to Henry and then remembered I have not thank him. So I told him in English thank you so much for helping to translate. Then in chinese for zhou mi to understand also "You guys are really kind and nice. Even if you're not the paid translator, you guys still translate to your members!" Then I suddenly thought of something and went to get more papers!

I gave out paper slips to the other members who I didn't ask for their autograph initially. And while writing they were like why? And I explained in English "I don't know about you guys but if it was me, if I was my other members giving out autographs and I wasn't asked of one, no matter how much I'm used to it, I still can't help myself but feel a little teeny weeny bit sad. So I'll take all of your autographs, unless you don't have to have it because I like Super Junior as a whole anyway :D" And Henry did all the translations. HAHAHA. And when they're done, I assured them that even though its little slips of paper, I'll definately take proper care of them leminate every single one of them! Lastly, I wished them all the best for the future blah blah blah...

And as I was waking away happily, I woke up form my dream. And as I woke up, I realised, they weren't SUJU! They were SUJU-M!! :D

WOWIE! ^^ Kay seriously, this is like the ONLY DREAM IN MEMORY THAT EVER EVER MADE THE MOST SENSE!! Right, right?? :D :D :D HAHAHAHAHAHA YAY <3

I'mma HAPPYGURL97 because of that dream! Totally made my day from DA START :D

The middle guy with cake is some taiwanese celeb I guess.

It's 11:11 :) Bye.

#SUJU6THYEAR Part 2.

So so so, it's their 6th year. Actually okay, I'm not very good with words so I shall just type a short post. Well I've not followed them from the start, I've not seen them going through their hardest time and I've certainly not seen them in person before. I also can't be sure if I'll follow them till the end. But I really feel happy that you guys are still pressing on no matter how hard it has been and at least for the present, I love you guys :)

6 years.

5 albums.

4 sub-groups.

3 asian tour.

2 words.

1 big family together.

-SUPER JUNIOR-

#SUJU6THYEAR :)

Hear me

This was a recent movie that I watched. "Hear me". Probably one of the rarest, and purest movie out there you can ever find now. If I'm not wrong it hit cinemas in Taiwan last year or something, but I just couldn't find it any where on the internet. But recently, I happened to stumble on it in youtube.

Well basically, in a movie there would be some things in it that holds the theme and if it were to be an item, I guess it would be a water bird. The girl in the movie is pictured as a person who resembles a lot like a water bird. And really, into about three quater of the movie I was still figuring out, why is the name of this movie "Hear Me" instead of "Water Bird" and then I realised, of course this should not be renamed to "Water Bird", as you'll see why in the end. The title "Hear Me" has a much more significant meaning. Although you never "talk" to each other, you can still "hear" some one, not physically, but from the heart.

Anyway, since it's a Sunday, I shalll not post much. But still, its a 6th nov, Happy 6th anniversay Suju :) Sixth year, and still going strong.

#SUJU6THYEAR

Just like now

That it’s gonna be okay
That it’s gonna be over right away
That as time goes by, it’s gonna fade away
I’ve been living with that belief

Sometimes because of my bad behaviour
I’ve hurt you
Now little by little
I promise you that I’ll change

Even on cold nights, even on lonely nights
You were always there for me
But where are you now?

So much that I can see only you
So much that I can love only you
Only you can make my heart
Running toward you, breathing because of you

When you look at me, when you love me
I can’t give you for anything in this world
Now stay in my embrace like this

Always stay just like that, just like that
And say that you love me, you love me like this
Always smile just like that, just like that
And say that you’re happy, you’re happy like this

---

Like a little child's inner voice to their parents. Well, that's what's the drama's about.

Went to juroong point with yuanshan today to :) HAHAHAHAHA buy some things. Super tired today don't know why. Yep and I wanted to post yesterday to say a small hello to November, but then I forgot. And when I remembered, it was quite late and I was too lazy to do anything anymore HAHAH :P

Alright, tomorrow's officiall one more week to my Chinese Os. No matter how much like all my other seniors tell me that ordinary chinese was really easy and all but I still can't help worrying. I mean, I'm not even revising for it. And by the time if I get a B3 or A2 (well hopefully not) I'll be regretting like mad D: URGH. I don't know. I'm not really for any kinds of Os right now. Even if it's just the O Levels SPAs. I don't care. I'm too young to deal with all these yet.

Okay, quite a bad start to November. I just hope it gets better :/

Shining Star

Shining star
Like a little diamond
Makes me love
Looking at me with the sweet smile that’s like a dream to me
Whisper to me
We’ll always be together
’Til the end of time

Oh day by day
Stay by my side, always
Stay in my heart, dazzling
Shining my love

Always hoping
That you’ll be smiling at that place
Even when you’re suffering
Because of misunderstandings and reasonless hate
Look at a further place
It’s the start now
When you want to cry
Lean on me
Even though I’m lacking
I’ll protect you

Love flies to the deepest part of the heart from the start and makes me warm
The never-changing trembling
You are

Shining star
Like a little diamond
Makes me love
Looking at me with the sweet smile that’s like a dream to me
Whisper to me
We’ll always be together
’Til the end of time

Shining star
Brighter than the sun
You’re like the sunshine
Your eyes give me rest when you’re tired
Shed light on my heart
Promise to believe you
I’ll always be on your side
I’ll embrace your small shoulders with a love larger than anyone else

Love flies to the deepest part of the heart from the start and makes me warm
The never-changing trembling
You are

Shining star
Like a little diamond
Makes me love
Looking at me with the sweet smile that’s like a dream to me
Whisper to me
We’ll always be together

Shining star
Like a little diamond
Makes me love
Looking at me with the sweet smile that’s like a dream to me
Whisper to me
We’ll always be together
’Til the end of time

日子只能往前走 一個方向順時鐘

One of those songs where I hear it once and I'll click the replay button till it's broken.

Today felt empty although it was rather peaceful. One went Cambodia, the other going Malaysia and maybe tomorrow the last one ponning school. Hai. So sian. Saddness maximum.

Got back about 6 out of 8 results. Thank God I was still able to pull through somehow and managed a one or two Bs here and there. I PASS ENGLISH!! ^^ Means I can get promoted to sec 4 -heaves a very huge sigh of relieve- You had no idea how stress I was when I had the feeling and was imagining myself retaining. PIMPLES BROKEOUT CAN :( I've never remembered myself being so stress out or uptight about my studies EVER. And in my impression, I have never studied for an exam EVER. Unless you count last minute memorization in the morning of the day I'm gonna have the exam.

For this year's I started studying like 2-3 days before the individual exam itself! Somehow my hardwork did pay off. Except for amath. I'm like 100% disappointed in myself. I think I didn't work hard enough. A careless mistake caused me to fail the whole paper by 2 marks. I didn't practice enough to be more exposed to different kinds of questions. URGH.

Okay, but so far I only failed amaths. I have not gotten back CHUM's history and BIO section B&C. Somehow, I have this small little glimpse of hope that I'll get an A for Bio. But somehow, it seems rather impossible. I just pray that I'll pass both papers for my overalls :)

Cause this and that is life

Went to IMM with Diana to walk here and there. Saw Mr Khoo and Ms Nor HAHAHAHHA MS NOR ISNT A THAT BAD TEACHER LA PEOPLE. She is actually quite nice okay :)

Anyway, got back 4 of my papers. Although I passed all, but they were all no-quality passes. Thank God however it was really through His strength I was able to do pretty well for Economics. I mean, I reeeeeeeally didn't have any time to study cause of the supid reflections thingy -.- But it was really unexpected that I could have actually scored so high for Econs based on the fact that I was really mentally prepared to get another no-quality pass or a FAIL. I guess, it's really all about trusting God.

At IMM, The Face Shop was being so awesome by playing Bonamana, then Sorry Sorry, then the korean version of Super Girl. No doubt man! They are ELFs! :P Then me and Diana were like standing outside the shop just to hear all those songs playing :B HAHAHHA

Right. There's a very very high chance that there'll be choir tomorrow. NOOOOOOOO D: WHY CAN'T THEY LET US ENJOY THE AWESOME-NESS OF END-OF-EXAMS PERIOD BEFORE RESUMING IT?! D: KILL-JOY. :(

Anyway, saw this song some where and it kinda encouraged me to pick up my feet and look forward instead of harping on old things.

The reason is simple

YAY I DIDN'T GO FOR TUITION TODAY CAUSE MY LEG'S HURT. MUAHAHHAA OKAY. I'm lazy but yeah whatever luh. It still hurts when I walk okay :(

Anyway, just a short and simple post also. Happy birthday LEEDONGHAE :D You're the first korean celeb that I like without any other influences from others. Like honestly :) Stay healthy and happy always! Even though you're like 25 this year and 26 in korean age, but I know you'll still be that 5 year-old kid who is forever bugging EunHyuk HAHAHAH but do continue to bug him cause EunHae is cute!♥

생일 축하한미다 이동해! 사랑해
saeng-il chughahanmida leedonghae saranghae

EXAMS ARE OVER! (Y)

FINALLY!! :D HAHAHAHA ^^ Alright, seriously, have been waiting since forever before all these end. D: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I SUFFERED. PHEW. Thank God for sustanence through the whole exam period of 3 weeks.

Went for reece with comm today and sort of celebrate Luke's birthday :P HAHAHA super fun ;D MET JONG HAN AND MRS LOH AT VIVO LOLOLOL. HAHAHA :)

Right, but I don't really have any nice dramas to watch now cause all the super duper nice dramas are either on air or coming soon (AKA E.G. 小资女孩向前冲,真心请按两次铃 and NOT FORGETTING MY 华丽的挑战!!) So I watched 娱百 :) But the waiting for all these awesome dramas is killing me :(

Okay. I'll sleep now and wake up early for tuition tomorrow cause I DONT HAVA LIFE D: Yeah. Mummy says if I don't go for tuition I'll forget how to write chinese words. OH PLEASE D: I need to write du hou gans every week and there's a mock test EVERY MONDAY. EVEN IF I WANT TO FORGET ALSO CANNOT CAUSE CHINESE WILL HUANT ME EVEN IN MY DREAMS LUH D:

I have sucha sad life I'm really gonna off my comp now. :(

Bye.

Rain or Shine, it still goes on

站在晴天和雨天的交界
該微笑還是流眼淚
乾脆放任自己崩潰
站在晴天和雨天的交界
想要放手獨自往前
才發現我走不遠

The first time I saw this MV I was like "so sweeeeeeeeeet!!" xD Sweetness overload! But then as I listened to the lyrics and follow the storyline in the MV its actually quite sad :/ Although the song does sound refreshing on the surface but there is this hidden saddeness in the song. This stubborness yet unbearingness.

Okay, seriously, what am I doing here when I still have an exam going on tomorrow -.- Confession; watched drama the whole afternoon and not done anything excet eating at night. Gosh I'm sucha pig x.x Anyway I feel so slack today. Maybe it was due to the relieve of the fact that one of the major spam writing papers are over. In addition I watched drama in the afternoon -.-

OKAY WHAT AM I SERIOUSLY DOING ITS GONNA BE 1030 BEFORE I KNOW IT. SHALL OFF COMP NOW. KTHNXBAI.

Kiss the rain

You know when in dramas you see that people shiver from the rain outdoors? It somehow seemed kinda fake to me. I mean like, the rain got so cold meh? -.- But yesterday morning while going to school I got caught in a super heavy rain. And the rain is not cold. ITS THE DAMN WIND THAT WAS SUPER FREAKING COLD. Gushes and gushed of wind not stopping. Even when I was waiting at the bus stop, I was still wet. Cause the stupid wind blew the rain at me. And my whole skirt was wet -.- I was like shivering and my teeth was chattering while waiting for Diana darling to bring me umbrella. No joke and I'm not exaggerating. It was colddddddddddddd. x.x

And this morning I heard brother playing kiss the rain. And it never fails to soften my heart early in the morning. Number one, I was referring to the song, not my brother's play. He's not there yet LOL. Number two, I'm always very moody on a saturday morning when I've just woken up cause I don't have enough sleep. Number three, okay there's no number three.

I really hate Saturdays. Okay maybe hate is a little too harsh to word to express my discontentment with every Saturdays, but it still doesn't stop me from disliking it. Its bad enough. I have two tuitions on Saturdays and it's not that I dislike my tutors. I love them. Their good at teaching. I just hate the pre-tuition feeling I have before every single tuition starts. I get that sian...-tuition-again feeling. But tuition always end up productive and I feel super good after tuition anyway. But my main point is I have a very strong pre-tuition sianness feeling. Makes me feel totally depressed.

So what should I say then?

I know I haven't been really posting very recently or anything and not exactly active on twitter but okay I had a tummy upset today :/ So I wasn't productive at all today. Listened to KTR till 11 and kinda felt sad that it ended at 11 so soon.

Okay anyway, read ziyan's blog and all her posts there. It was touching (..?) Don't know what's the right word. But she made me even more believed that she's beautiful and unique in her own way.

Right. You know. I always dream about the weirdest dream?! This morning. First I dreamt that I was in school and then celebrating this sec 5 couple's wedding IN SCHOOL (!??!!) My dream doesn't even make the least sense. Then the next moment I realised I was in this cruise ship where we used Thailand currency but it was heading to Malaysia cause it was a choir trip and choir ALWAYS go to Malaysia. And then I suddenly see a lot of friends from everywhere, not plainly choir mates. School mates and church mates. LOL. And then suddenly I have a lot of kpop male celeb's hp numbers and apparently I'm good friends with them and they speak good English.

So suddenly I forgot how, I went to safe keep my phone cause of I-forgot-what-already. And by the time I wanted to redeme it back, it costed me 45 bucks and I was in such a state of cannot-think-properly so I forgotten about my own money and tried lending money from others. And then I scrolled through my contact list and I found the name YOSEOB. AND I CALLED HIM AND ASK WHERE HE WAS AND ASK HIM WHERE HE WAS I GO FIND HIM. I remembered in the dream he said something like he was at the rooftop of the cruise but don't want find him so soon. But too late, I was already on the roof. AND I SAW HIM WITH HIS GF HAHAHA. SO IN ORDER TO CHASE ME AWAY HE GAVE ME 50 BUCKS HAHAHA. So here's the thing. When my phone is being safe kept, how does it make sense that I used the same phone to call people?! LOLOLOL. My dreams reaaaaaaaaaaally don't make any sense.

AND I TOLD MUMMY ABOUT MY DREAM EARLIER THIS MORNING DURING BREAKFAST AND SHE SAID I WAS SUCH A DREAMER. Okay, I excluded the kpop part, cause think she'll say worse stuff about me. But I guess I'm really a big big dreamer. From let's say handphone..? I'll think of text (maybe) then maybe a scene of a drama where the actor recieves a text and then think of another actor in the same drama and other activities of that actor. LOL. Okay, that's when I daydream. My nightdream dreams hardly even links to each other, yet it made so much sense when I was dreaming the dream LOL.

Okay. Done with my dreaming bit. Now back to reality. Got the taiwan trip form but not sure what to write for learning outcome since I DON'T TAKE GEOG. HAISH. SIAN. Okay, will see how tomorrow.

Thank you for sending me that text :)

So torned in between :(

This has been troubling me for awhile. I can't decided if I should go for the taiwan geog trip or choir malaysia trip. LOL. Actually I don't even know if I'll be choosen for the geog trip mainly cause I don't even take geog. But hopefully cause I take bio chem so I can go. But then if I go for the taiwan trip, I can't spend my last choir out of singapore trip (won't use the word overseas since I don't consider Malaysia overseas after being there EVERY YEAR for past choir trips) with the other sec 3s and we've already planned staying up the last night together watching the sun rise so when on the COACH (its not a freaking plane cause its malaysia -.-) back we can sleep all we want. Okay. Sucha killer joy. Totally.

I'm not confident for any As for my EOYs this year since I've been slacking so much and doing nothing productive. But I'll try my best to be as productive as possible this whole period until my EOYs end. I'm mentally prepared to not get good results back BUT I'm imagining myself getting As for O LEVELS. SO WATCH OUT PEOPLE! I may not do well this year, BUT IM DEFINATELY GETTING MY As NEXT YEAR! WATCH ME! #somotivated.

Alright, shall bathe now then mug on bio! :) So thankful I've got ZhiYe to text 24/7 about bio! <3

Probably the best thing ever.

Choir camp was a blast! :) Well was really hesistant whether should I go or not, should I play or not, should I this or that. But thank God it really turned out well! :)

First day had dry station games part 1: WON ALL THE GAMES (Y). Danced mr simple during talent night.

Seconday day dry station games part 2: win 2, lose 2. :( BUT ITS OKAY SINCE IT DOLCE. Stayed up to watch sun rise with the sec 3s but unfortunately plan failed cause we all konked out when it was 430 am.

Third day wet games was... errrrrrrr.... (N) Cause of the flour part. Other than that, it was (Y)

Dolce 2011 Official Cheer: "EDWIN ICECREAM"
HAHAHA HOPE EDWIN KEEPS HIS PROMISE AND TREAT US ICECREAM IF WE DONT GET TOP 3

So then, again.

Hello September, well it's kind of late but hahahah whatever lah. Right, so my only official free day would be only Wednesday since I have tuition tomorrow and a tbc dental afternoon appointment. And I don't know if I should follow Dolce to buy the props for camp since it's my ONLY FREE DAY and I've barely got anytime to complete my homework. Which reminds me, gotta complete tomorrow's tuition homework for tomorrow. Siannnnnn... Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzz (z foreverrrrrrrr). I'm quite sick of all the tuitioning but after tuition I'll always feel so accomplished. So tuition gives me mixed feelings.

Thank God oral went rather, pretty, quite smooth for me today. REALISED EXAMINER WASN'T MS HO BUT MR FAZLIN! (Y) TOTALLY AWESOME. When I went in the room he still asked me if he tested me last year HAHAHAHA HE REMEMBERS ME. But the fact is he tests me like EVERY ORAL EXAM SINCE SEC 1 LOLOL. Oh was Yuanshan & Jason loud that I could hear them speak when they were in the next room while waiting for Mingsiew or was the corridor just too quiet? But I could hear Yuanshan & Jason more clearly than Mingsiew. Maybe its just them and not me LOL. Okay, that was random.

Not exactly hyped up for this holiday although I was super expecting it but then I realised the school has eaten up 4 out of 7 days of it. And with my normal life with tuition, it'll be minus another 2 days. Only 1 day to myself. HOW SAD. Yes, I guess everyone's life gets sadder and sadder by the moment. Sec 4 next year. Goshhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, shall put up my target grades now for EOY:
English; B4
HCL; B4
Add Maths; A1
Elmt Maths; A2-B3
Chem; B4
Bio; A1-A2
CHUM; A2
Econs; B3

SHALL NOT SCORE ANY GRADE C FOR EOY RAWR.
#MOREDETERMINDEDTHANEVER
#TWITTERHASHTAG(Y)

Okay, must catch up with my chem and bio. They are reeeeeeeally lacking. As for english... I shall... Just ask for tips lah. Need to get really good grades for EOY and shove it in my parents face. SO THEY SHALL NOT NAG ANYMORE. MUST SHOW THEM I CAN ACHIEVE RESULTS. #nerd

What Mr Fazlin said to me today really make me even more determined to work harder. He say he hope to see me around the top for Os but I'm like in the second worst class. OHMYGOSH #EMBARRASSEDFOREVER. SO, I SHALL ACHIEVE WOW RESULTS. NO MORE WATCHING SHOWS TILL DECEMBER HOLIDAY. The most only 2h per day. (Think I watch like 5h per day now LOL. #die)

Okay then, shall just donwload songs for my phone and start on tuition homework then school homework.
#reallyneedtoworkhard

HAHAH WHATS WITH ME AND TWITTER HASHTAGS TODAY. (Y)

Okayyyyyyy, bye :)

I asked myself the same questions over and over.

Well today was rather depressing yet super high. Diana kept talking about Suju to me today and her whole person went high. If you've known me long enough, my 'high-ness' (LOL. How do you say it) is affected by people around me. So as a result I was like high in the morning. During econs Amirah suddenly talked to me about Infinite, then SS501 then slowly kpop in general. And she went high, so I went high too. Chum, Yuanshan was high about Ms Alicia being biased to Britain, and then I went high too. So in genral, I was high the whole day. LOL, probably that's why now I'm so tired and I'm processing my thoughts rather slowly.

But come to think of it, I've got so much things so think about, so much things to do, I've actually got very little time to finish what I need to complete. Think I'll write the teachers cards tomorrow. Biology homework... I really don't know.

So recently I've watched 110823's and 110830's broadcast of Strong Heart where it'd be Heechul's last variety recording and what made me realised was that it really wasn't easy for Super Junior to be so successful and now that they are so successful, members have to leave temporarily for other commitments and it's hardly a 12 even without Hangeng because apparently he is not allowed to be on the same stage with the rest I heard. So I somewhat understand how others feel when they hear that Heechul is gonna be enlisted. Well true enough he may not be their biased, but the fact that Heechul's existence does make a difference in Super Junior and the emptiness caused by his absence does make a reality. Well I've never really thought about it before but after watching Strong Heart, it does make me feel sad that Heechul won't be appearing on screens for 2 years. In addition I've been watching his variety since June, shows like Good Daddy and Family Outing 2 and he is really good in variety shows. Honestly, it never really occurred to me of the impact that Heechul's gonna leave for 2 years, until about today that Super Junior is one member lesser.



Really sweet of the fans afterall. Changed the fanchant specially for him.

Come back safely! :)

Probably pop by here for a sec.

Short post before I remove my contacts and sleep!

Went to Melting pot cafe and had branch! :D Awesome food there! Well a little confession to make though, it was my first time tasting expresso :P HAHAHAHA okay, so fail. I was so full I only had soup for dinner and I'M STILL SO FULL NOW. Ohmygoodness. Hahaha. Right, so tomorrow is tuition :/ Okay shall sleep now :)

Oh wait, I reeeeeeally want anti-radiation stickers especially the ... ones :/ Think I'm in love with them LOL.

Bye!

The Unofficial Start to my Holidays

Rather busy this whole week... Got a lot of things waiting for me to do. Hope I don't procrastinate too much :/

One thing life somehow always teaches me due to experiences but I never seem to learn is that never expect too much because it'll usually turn the other way round. Things won't happen the way you planned or imagined it to be. And then usually after I'll get disappointed. But I was to be blamed partially because I had too much expectations.

I'm so hungry now. LOL. Randomed. No seriously, I am hungry.

Everything seem to fall out of place.. :/

Rudely interrupted by mum and was told to go home immediately when we called when I've told her countless times since Sunday I'll be meeting friends on Friday in case she scolds me of not informing her again. Even told her this morning I'll be out. Wasn't even 4 when she called me, scolded me, asked me to go home, scolding me I was being so brazen nowadays that I didn't tell her beforehand that I was going out. And as a result, I must go home right at that instant. Right. Before I even met my friends I even met up with papa to settle some orthortics stuffs and before leaving him, I told him I was off to meet my friends, twice. AND HE EVEN SAID OKAY AND BYE. And then when he came home, he scolded me for going to meet my friends and not going home after school. LIKE SERIOUSLY?! WHY ARE YOU ALL BEING LIKE THIS?! 왜이러니 And when you guys scold me, somehow you add words here and there and WALA! IT ALL BECOMES MY FAULT! You guys specially studied how to scold people? That's why when you all complain to stores, scold them for inefficient service etc, you all ALWAYS end up with something free, or some discounts. I sincerely salute you all for your scolding skills. You guys must have came a long way.

I don't understand how me hanging out with friends angers you all so much; not forgetting the fact that I actually took the trouble to tell you all WAYYYYYYYYY AHEAD OF TIME AND MANY MANY TIMES AND EVEN IN THE MORNING TODAY AND YOU ALL SAID OKAY. Perviously when I called you all to tell you all that I was going out until quite late, I got a trashing when I got home just because I told you all claimed-the-oh-so-last-minute; whatever. So I even told you all four days earlier but still get scolded for not telling you all. I just think you all have a problem with me going out right? And when it comes to brother, he just have to sms you all and nothing happens. He doesn't get a scolding whatsoever. I feel so cheated by you guys. You all ALWAYS have to ruin my day like that right? Thanks, but no thanks.

Anyway. A :) and a :@ would summarise my day. :) was where school was slack and everyone was being so funny. But thankfully, there was lzx's clips that ost1nao uploaded for us youtubers and saw a few superman + mr simple clips that made me smile and all cheered up.



Yep, this song is quite BHB but the part where Teukie sang (or should I say rapped..?) was very touching.

Should I pluck the stars for you, count them one, two, three
With the stars we've lost. We're thirteen stars.

This song is sooooo them. The stars they've lost? Those three would have been HanKyung due to contract issues, KiBum due to acting commitments and KangIn due to NS. But in the end, they are all thirteen stars togething in the Super Junior family. And so heartening they got the leader to sing it. Heard it was Leeteuk who wrote this song! Even though this may be their 'last' full length album that they'll be producing because Teuk & Hee will be serving in NS but the last part of the song promises it won't be the last of them.

Who would be able to say we've finished
Super Junior is only missing the 'man' from the name of 'superman'...
Even if the road we walk is barren,
We are in the end, Super Junior
The last man standing.

Make me even respect Teukkie more.

It has always been a blessing.

WOW! SUPER EGG-CITED! I REALLY WANNA GO TAIWAN VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH! :O Read my email and there was this 8-days imemersion program. Really wanna go very, very much D: Since choir cmi, isn't this like the chance? Immersion program some more x.x Haish, however, don't think I can go though... I've been to Nan jing already. And think a lot of people will wanna go for this trip. Like seriously, compare China and Taiwan, of course Taiwan without a doubt right? :/ But think my chances of going for this thingy is very, very low. Okay, I'm sad already :(

Anyway, today was retreat. Was rather fruitful I guess. HAHAHA. Went to Fat Cow after retreat and played monopoly game! xD HEHEHE, ganged up with Joanne against Ian & Joshua xD Totally won them :) Yay us! Can't wait for Friday! :) We're meeting up to koi! :D

That reminds me, need to meet up with Ben soon x.x have not been attending SGH for a long time :/

But like seriously, ACSI likes to holiday A LOT. Ian doesn't have school on Friday -.-

Procrastination is dangerous.

Plan to complete all my homework by weekend totally failed. Super Junior shows so much more attractive x.x Ohmygosh. Production rate: 0%. Die already lah, eoy how to get good marks? I know practically nothing about bio, chem and chum. Furthermore I don't know if I should continue being in Mrs Philip's class for sec 4 next year or not.

Ah, so many commitments, so many things to accomplish, but so little self-discipline and so weak determination. Guess this is what I call the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak? I wouldn't really blame it on time. Time is short, but it's never too little for you to not accomplish your tasks. The problem lies with the person. I procrastinate too much. And I don't want to take the first step of stop watching my videos which never starts my motivation of studying.

I'll probably rackey camp's outing venues after my EOYs which would be somewhere after 12th Oct..? Urgh... Need to come up with all the plans and activities before the next meeting. :/ Have not caught up with MingDao & Bro David since last week. Don't know how's web going. Turns out that doing Outing is not that slack, in fact, quite a lot of stress. It's so different from other portfolios in that sense at least for others, you've got the location which is the church and you can peacefully plan everything within the church premises. But outing is so hard to say. If the outing is no good, then bam, you don't really have any time to improve it since its like those few hours. But I don't wish to plan a boring outing. At the same time, planing an interesting one would be a big challenge in this time frame.

I'll probably see how it goes. Afterall, I'm not the person who usually plans things way ahead. I believe time changes a lot of things. If by then what you've plan or thought initailly can't be done cause of changed circumstances, you'll get disappointed, unecessarily. I'm not really promoting last minute work, but I feel I'm the type of person who can brainstorm or come up with things more and better last minute. Afterall, the saying goes, things turns out funner when it's unplanned. Planned things may cause disappointment as it usually doesn't turn out the way you wished. No point worrying too much! Leave it to the Lord :)

Yep. I'm sleeping now :)

Leave it to time

不喜歡懷疑什麼　並不表示我沒有感受

看你微妙的變化　慢慢不同
我不是生氣　　只是心痛
最討厭被誤會了　但越解釋越覺得難過
你可以説人會變　但不能説　你會這麼做是我的錯

哭過就好了　傷都會好的
這樣相信所以深呼吸著割捨
愛是為了擁抱 為了牽手
不是為了爭吵 為了調頭

哭過就好了　痛都會走的
記憶有限所以它會淘汰壞的
失眠聽歌想念雖然苦澀
還是謝謝你讓我長大了

越多美好堆疊的過往
想忘就得推倒更大的悲傷
要找勇氣卻不在口袋或手上
但它一定在我身上某個地方

Still couldn't help butshed tears when seeing the coffin go down. But all is well. The Lord is really good.

Just a short post

A short summary about what I feel today..? Heard Mdm Soh said I went hospital. Lol are you serious?! Seriously, I really don't mind if she said I had a funeral to attend. Just that it's better to keep a low-key on what happened. After all, it's not something to celebrate about. 

Just for my friends, don't worry I'm fine okay. Hahah recede so many texts asking if I'm okay or not. So sweet :) thank you people but I'm reeeeeeeally alright so don't don't worry okay! 

Surprisingly, experiencing the first death of a family member as far as my memory serves me isn't that scary, or emotional or whatever I've had normally seen in dramas. Fair enough, I do feel sad, but not till the extend where I would be all crying-like-there's-no-tomorrow. And it has made me come to think that, no matter what happens, life still goes on. The farewell of a person does not stop the clock from ticking, there are still many things in life for us to complete.

Maybe the after effects of grandfather's passing away will seep in as time passes, but it still doesn't change the fact that the Lord has taken grandfather away.

I pray the Lord would be merciful and grant that we may be strong and faithful, grant us sustenance. 

At peace.

Well I kinda have a bit of a mixed feelings now. So firstly shall yabble about 8th August where the school celebrated National Day..? Kinda wasted 4 hours of our time listening to speeches and prize presentation. Really did almost nothing. Went to vivo to watch Zookeeper. Well maybe it was for the better. Really don't like the feeling of seeing juniors everywhere in JP where we initially wanted to go to. And furthermore JP would be super boring to go since we go there almost EVERY WEEK, or rather, after EVERY school events. Last thing that I'd like going to vivo after all those reasons that is it's near my house :) Super duper convienent. I can still take a bus home with YuanShan! :)

Then next would be National Day, 9 August. Had kite flying day, but lesser people came this year. Flew kite for the first time in my whole life as far as my memory serves me. Super successful. It flew so high right away Esther & Ern-wei were so jealous :P

Mine is towards the right. The other was Luke's.

While others were in the celebratory mood watching NDP, I was watching suju's EHB. LOL. But I could see everyone still so supportive even in twitter.

SHARON AU IN A HEARTBEAT WATCHING NDP GURMIT SINGH ALL TRENDING! SINGAPORE FTW!

Well this would be President SR Nathan's last National Day Parade as the Head of States. For the past 12 years of my life, and that would be even since I started school as a kindergarten toddler, his photo was hung everywhere. It would really get me awhile to get use to the new photo that is gonna be changed to this coming end-of-august. He's last words being "The sun will rise, the sun will set, I will still see you. All good things must end some day. I take it in my stride." Really make me respect him."I hope they will always be conscious of the message of this National Day. That we are in a continuous relay. There's no end to it. We have to keep on striving, that's the nature of our life."

Today? Grandfather passed away 6.30am in the morning. The first thing that hit me was, pray. And when I prayed, I thanked God for bringing him home. Sub-consciously. Yes, I was sad. I did cry. But I experienced this peace that passeth all understanding. I thanked God for the peace, the mercy, the sustenance, the comfort and the love He had blessed grandfather with all his life. Even though at times he'll feel very useless because he is visually impaired and frail in being, even though as grandchildren we neglected him, even though the outer man grows weaker and weaker in time, God never did forsake him.

Probably the lesson during June camp where we walked in the cemetry did I forget. Death has once again never felt so real. The day before while visiting him, he still seemed fine and his condition had improved. But bam and this morning he had a really high fever, and the Lord took him. I never knew that it would be the last time calling him and I've always took it for granted that he's condition would improve and I would see him at home again. But thank God he passed away peacefully.

Many thoughts came acrossed my mind but this particular verse was suddenly remembered.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." -Matthew6:33-34

Really, we don't know when our lifes are gonna end. We can never take for granted being young and all healthy, we'll live a ripe old age; being technologically advance, almost all illnesses can be cured.
"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vaniseth away." -James4:14
Life is really fragile and I guess, the message brought acrossed to me today is to live life to the fullest for Christ, as if there's no tomorrow because you really don't know when your time's up. The following verse of James 4:14 goes "For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that."

I'm honestly not all emo-wrist-cutty-whatever over the passing away of my grandfather. I'm just sad , that's all. But I'm fine. I'll remember grandfather always by that caring person who put up with the very mischevious little me when I was very young. Because he had fought a good fight, he had finished his course, he had kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for him a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give him at that day. The Lord had remembered him and has put an end to all his earthly sufferings which his outer being cause him.

I hope I can keep up to this; Praise the Lord for his abundant mercy, and till He comes, I'll serve Him wholeheartedly, stedfastly and faithfully.

Who remembered when it rained?

Well probably just a random thought that sumed up my whole day since I'm so tired to be bothered with anything. Need my sleep yeah.




What hurts the most, is being so close, having so much to say yet silently watch them walk away most probably never coming back

Nonetheless, it's still First of August

Life still goes on. Hmmm... What should I talk about today? :) I don't really know. But wanna write a post today cause it's the first of august. Well, I was asleep on the last day of july till the first of august. LOL. So lame. Hmmm... Aiya, after thinking for 2 hours, I've got nothing to type/no thoughts. Shall leave it hanging..................................................

here.

Bye :)

You all deserve a round of an applause

Okay, so continuing from yesterday, YOU ALL KNOW WHUTTTT?! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOW LUO TRENDED ON TWITTER YESTERDAY AFTERNOON!! Just that I didn't catch it :'(

One of the tweet peep who caught it and shared with everyone :) So proud of this guy who made it there :') Oh, please don't mind the SWC, Scape & SHINee there kay :P The main zhu jiao is xiao zhu :D Really love this guy for being so strong despite the countless attacks he get from the media and so many SFCs readily and steadfastly supporting him. He's forever 25! xD

He deserves it :)

Well next wanna talk about the leaders of groups. Well recently it came to my mind that it's really tough being a leader of a group, especially a famous group.

HAHAHA remember I used to love this group. But ever since they disbanded, ahhh, not really anymore. And their leader ao quan :)

And next, how can we forget SHINee? :)

With their dearest leader Onew

These two leaders are really great. They care for their members like ao quan makes sure his group members does their best so that they can be better. As for Onew, he makes sure his members all get the spotlight and it doesn't matter to him if he has to share it with them. Such sacrifices here and there for their group make me respect them a lot. But I guess, if I were to talk about respect, I would probably say that I really really really (x10000^1234567) respect Leeteuk.

Heard he gets up early just to make sure his members wake up on time for they schedule the next day and he really loves his members a lot. When Hangeng had contract issues and he left the company, he was like crying like mad along with Heechul. And then when Kangin went for NS he was still so sentimental about him. And his last wish before going into NS at the end of this year/start of next year is for hangeng and all super junior members to stand on the stage again and perform once. And lastly, he thinks of Henry & Zhoumi as a part of the suju family. Such a sweet guy. And I've happened to see quite a few videos of their super show and I see him treating all the ELFs so well. He'll do his best to make sure every ELFs he've came across feel special. Really. And brother agrees with me too. Then brother told me he is the most all-rounder in the group also. He is good in dancing (although donghae & eunhyuk dance better), he can sing well (although yesung & kyuhyun can sing better), he is a fab radio dj, he can mc well and can act well. Last but not least, he is the most caring (apparently). So I guess, he is the 2nd person I respect him as much as I respect lzx. Both of them really care about their fans a lot. Just that one is restrained by company, the other has much more freedom.

I prefer the family of 15 although I like the 13 together

Something we all got called kindness.

Hello! Today was a really great day! Forced myself to study econ yesterday night until 12+ am cause I didn't want to be the only one in class to not get an A1 or worse, fail the exam. So since I couldn't remember all the points, I forced myself to study by rewriting all the notes that was going to be tested. And this morning, was revising with HuiRu-the-awesome-econ-study-buddy! We were like testing each other! And what we tested each other, EVERYTHING AMAZINGLY CAME OUT! And I was able to answer all of them! Thank God for sustance!

All was well and awesome until chinese. Have to write this 500 word compo reflection thingy on not bringing textbook. Like seriously, I don't know why the teacher is like that. I mean, he is like suddenly so strict on us. Okay fine, we're taking our Os this year, but come on, you all honestly writing this kind of reflection thingy works? Obviously not right. I used to respect huang lao shi a lot. That's why I was willing to stay back for more than an hour just to help him paste some chinese stuffs in the library despite everyone going home early after their O level LC in a celeberatory mood. But him doing this to us is really making me lose my respect for him more and more. And after chinese lesson, whenever I thought of me needing to write the compo, really made me angry and 不甘心. I would properly written out everything. But that only applies if I have enough time. But I don't think I'm gonna hand it up tomorrow. I'm gonna write out what I truly feel. I won't write those TYS answers. I'm serious.

Anyway, went out with Diana RuiLin Trixie & ZiLing. REEEEEEEEALLY miss hanging out with darling RL! (L) Remembered how we were buddies for almost everything from sec 1 to sec 2! And remmebered how she made boring lessons so interesting and fun for me! Awwww, I really love her! And love talking to Trixie today too! :D Had chocolate milk tea! :)