Complicated heart.

I've lost the courage. To take initiative. To talk first. To be brave enough to even open up. So many things I want to say it out. But it's stuck in me. I've lost the courage to tell you why I really feel. I feel like its hard to talk to you about what I feel. Like it seems that there's a barrier between me and you I can't overcome myself. It's hard to talk to you already.

Or maybe I'm in self-pity and I don't even deserve to be sad in the first place.

Cried in class again. I'm useless. Mughi and Leonard must be thinking this girl is scary. Urgh. Not like I can control my tears right. It's a domino effect, one person look, the rest follows. Told Leonard to stop looking at me. Gah. Both of them caught me crying in class twice. I should probably stop drinking water if that causes tears.

It's probably all my fault that I'm even sad.